


Her GUI Was Mindblowing

by wednesdays__child



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Criminal Minds
Genre: Bad movies, Discussion of demons, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9670286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdays__child/pseuds/wednesdays__child
Summary: It's Valentine's Day at Watcher Central. The Scooby Gang is getting ready for their annual Valentine's Day ritual.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Fic #2 of the FA Valentine's Day Challenge. 
> 
> Unbetated - sorry. All mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Spoilers through Season 12 of Criminal Minds.

*************

Loaded up with a two liter bottle of Diet Coke, a bottle of Seven Deadly Zins - complete with three large wineglasses, a large bag of plain M&Ms, a giant bag of Swedish Fish and an extra large bowl of his extra special movie style popcorn with extra butter and extra salt, Xander wandered through Watcher Central on his way to the viewing room. When he stepped through the door, cheers went up as he began to distribute the snacks.

Willow snagged the Swedish Fish, immediately biting one in half as Buffy poured three-quarters of the M&Ms into the popcorn. Giles took the remainder of the bag and the bottle of wine as he began to pour for himself and the girls. Xander flopped down onto to the overstuffed couch, making himself comfortable between his two best friends as he opened the soda and filled his glass.

Willow leaned over then, burying her face in his chest. "I missed my Xander-shaped friend," she said, smiling widely as Xander wrapped his arms tight around her. 

"Missed you too, Wills," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

"Hey!" he heard next to him as Buffy leaned over to clutch him tight.

"Missed you too, Buff. There is enough Xander to spread around, no worries." As Giles leaned forward to place the wineglasses on the table before the girls. "What about you G-Man?" he asked. "You wanna get in on this Xander lovefest?"

Giles snorted then. "As much as I missed you while you were on assignment, I believe I will refrain from the lovefest this time around."

"But it's Valentine's Day!" Willow complained. "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with, right?"

"It's alright, Wills," Xander said, smiling as they all sat up once again. "It's my first Valentine's back from the states. I need some time to be alone, you know?"

"Poor Xander." Buffy sighed, patting him on the knee in a way she probably thought of as gentle and caring. Still, her idea of gentle hurt. "I can't believe you almost got married...again."

"I didn't almost get married," he clarified, "I almost got engaged. She turned me down, remember?"

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and Penelope," the redheaded witch whispered, leaning over to drop her head on his shoulder. "She seemed pretty cool."

"Pretty cool?" he scoffed. "She was the collest girl I ever met." When both the girls made noises of complaint, he amended, "Present company excluded, of course."

"Noted" Willow said with a quick nod.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he continued, sounding like he was trying to convince himself as much as everyone else in the room. "I would have eventually had to tell her that I wasn't really Kevin Lynch and that all the hacky knowledge-y stuff in my brain was actually placed their by a spell by my wiccan wonder woman Willow. I'm sure that would have gone over really well."

"You never know, Xan," Buffy said, snuggling down onto his opposite shoulder. "She might have understood."

He snorted at that. "Buff, Penelope couldn't even look at crime scene photos without having to spend the next two days googling baby sloths and videos of pandas sneezing. What was I going to do, walk up and say 'Hey, Penelope, guess what!? I'm not really Kevin Lynch. My name is Xander Harris and I'm a Watcher who lives in merry old England here on assignment to watch your boss because apparently Aaron Hotchner is the subject of not one but three prophecies that could possibily end the world as we know it. Oh, and my best friends are a witch, a Slayer and a Watcher, and demons, vampires and all kinds of monsters are real and you've met more than one working at the BAU. So Spring or Fall wedding?"

"Wow," Buffy whispered. "That was impressive."

"And all in one breath too," Willow gasped.

"Well rehearsed and concise," Giles stated. "Maybe I'm finally rubbing off on him."

"This blows more than the blowing of a giant blowing thing!"

"Or not."

"So Xander," Willow started sitting up and turning toward her friend. "How's the spell holding?"

"Great, actually. All the computer technobabble is still firmly in place. I got a little worried a couple of times that the Xander dunce brain would overpower the Kevin smart brain, but it never happened which is a major good thing because Penelope is super good. She may be better than you, Wills."

At the shocked, upset look on the wiccan's face, he amended, "But not quite! Willow is always the best forever and ever."

He hugged her close while the others just laughed under their breath.

Giles broke the silence first. "Speaking of your assignment, Xander, how is Mister Hotchner doing?"

"Aaron is actually doing really well, despite everything," Xander explained. "The anti-possession tattoo should be completed by the end of next week so we should be able to do the exorcism before the next full moon, plenty of time to stop the prophecy from being completed. Once we get the last of the Scratch out of him, we can finish getting the rest of the taint out of him."

"I can't believe he's lived with not one but three demonic taints on him," Buffy said, impressed. "An Omnivore, a Versuchung and a Hallucinantur calling himself Scratch. You're sure he doesn't have any Slayer in his bloodline?" 

"None that I could find," Willow replied. 

"The man pure of heart and tortured soul. The triad of taint will swallow him whole." Giles recited. 

The three on the couch shuddered and that was the nice part of the final prophecy they had determined pointed right to Aaron Hotchner. 

"You did very good work, Xander," Giles said quietly. "I was unsure about letting you do an infiltration mission by yourself, especially one for such an extended amount of time."

"Well, everyone else was busy and I figured how hard would it be? I'd be safe in the FBI." He snorted at the thought. No one was safe really.

"Well, we are happy you're home, Xander."

"Yeah, we missed you."

They all turned as one to Giles.

"Yes, Xander," he said barely suppressing the eyeroll he wished to express. "We all missed you."

"Yay!" the three sitting on the couch shouted, hands raised in the air. 

"Is it movie time yet or what?" Xander complained, leaning forward to grab the remote from the table.

"Yes!"

They all settled in, the girls on either side of Xander, Giles settled in a chair next to the couch. He looked around at his friends, happy to be home. He had liked being in DC, he had enjoyed having what most would consider a normal life. He'd had a job. He'd had a girlfriend. He'd had an apartment all his own. 

But it wasn't his life. This? This was his life. His friends. The ones who had seen him through failed relationships, a demon possession and the end of the world too many times to count. This work? Being a Watcher? This is what he was meant to do. No one but those in this room, Aaron and his son Jack would know the sacrifice he'd made but that didn't matter. What mattered was the love of his friends. Right here. Right now. 

The movie started and Giles groaned loudly. "You're not serious, are you?" he complained. "Why must we have to watch this tragic piece of cinema every year?"

'You make us watch 'Love, Actually' every year at Christmas," Buffy explained. "So you have to watch 'Valentine' with us every year for Valentine's Day."

"But it bloody awful!"

"That it is," Willow said.

"And that's the point," Xander continued. "To distract us from our awful, loveless love lives, we will watch this awful horror movie, relentlessly making fun of it so we don't have to think about the dates we do not have."

They sat in silence for several long minutes, drinking and snacking and enjoying just being together when Xander suddenly asked, "Seriously? None of you think that guy looks like Angel? Dark, broody with stupid hair and stupid strong jaw and stupid dark piercing eyes. Seriously?! Nobody?!?"

"No Xander," Giles sighed. "Just you. We tell you this every year." Then he leaned forward and mock whispered to the girls, "I told you he was the right one to watch Mr. Hotchner. He obviously has a type."

"Hey!" Xander shouted as he tossed some popcorn at the older Watcher. They all laughed and settled back down. 

Later, with Buffy quoting the end of the movie, Willow asleep on his shoulder and Giles pointing out all of the ridiculous mistakes, Xander sighed.

Life?

Life was good. 

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> This was fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
